Today was Convocation Day.
In some form or another, I have been working towards my BA degree in Political Science on and off since I abandoned my Ivy League college education over nine years ago. The road has been paved with a lot of struggles and hard work amidst a good dose of uncertainty, fear, isolation, confusion, and hope – lots of hope. There was a long stretch of time before I deemed myself ready to return to the ivory tower, a place that everyone had pronounced decidedly ideal for me -that is for the determined, successful, and well-rooted and pre-1997 me.
Life has been rather difficult, but also blissful since those years. At a time when I found it unbearable to go on without my soulmate who had finally succumbed to the Grim Reaper, life was certainly hellish with those who surrounded me. There were times when the insomnia, depression, and grief almost did me in. However, I very slowly picked myself up and took another breath and tackled another day. During the long and arduous journey, I felt some of my emotional obstacles crumble in time and felt myself meet each and every one of my challenges and rise above the circumstances of the past.
After a while, I stopped feeling guilty and regretting some decisions or lack thereof. There were times when I felt like a failure and for stomping upon a bright future. Life has not been easy that is for sure, but while I may not be garnering the top prizes that I would have in the past (had I not veered off the chosen path), I still feel a strong sense of achievement for my solid success, strength and perseverance and for having come full circle.
The experiences of the past couple of years have humbled and shaped me in an enriching way that is reminiscent of what Juliette Binoche’s character claims in Louis Malle’s Fatale: “Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” In fact, today’s convocation was certainly bittersweet for me because it was not a mere celebration of my academic achievement, but the completion of a harrowing emotional journey that will, no doubt, mark me Now and Forever.
Posted by Saro 